That Jeremy Clarkson - isn't he a hoot!

I see Jezza has been winding people up. Again.

Don't people ever learn? Clarkson has been 'offending' people for a fair few years now and he's become something of an expert at it. Indeed, every time he comes out with an 'I've eaten baby puffin and Dolphins and the working class should be lined up and shot' routine it's time to break out the Pinot, crack open the olives and sit back and watch the kerfuffle unfold.

So, apparently, he's not funny. Well, not to you maybe, to me he's hilarious. Especially when the Guardianistas get all upset and holier-then-thou about him. Then you become the joke, not he.

So he's not intelligent. Debatable, but he is clever (seen how well off, content and happy he is?)

Dave Gorman got it spot on when he compared him with Bill Hicks' famous 'Seriously, kill yourself' tirade against advertising/marketing people (except Bill might have been right in that instance).

Suckers of Satan's cock, each and every one! (Yes, I'm talking about you).

Firstworld problems, or how I stayed at the Malmaison Liverpool and didn't really like it.

There's something about a 'posh hotel' that elevates ones state of mind to a level one sees as being equal to ones surroundings. so when one stays at such an hotel one feels 'special'. This, I believe, is the desired state that the hotel marketeers are aiming for in the hope that you will become that exalted creature; the Return Guest! The problems arise when one receives poor service in such an establishment. You, for instance, sit down to breakfast and wait with salivatory trepidation for the waiter/tress.

Then it all goes wrong.

Your coffee arrives but it's coffee for one (for the purpose of this rant let us assume there are two customers present). Then, well, nothing much happens. Other people get served, tables are cleared, tables are re-set, other customers are engaged by the waiting staff. Meanwhile one sits like the proverbial lemon thinking. 'what's wrong with me?' And this is my point. Having established you as a guest in a posh hotel and elevated ones status thus, to be ignored is to be re-classified as 'not important', or 'not worth bothering with' and, far from being the trivial event it is it turns into something far, far worse. You feel embarrassed, let down, snubbed, feelings out of all  proportion to reality. The good news is it's not your fault, nor should you feel so. Having established the social credentials of the hotel and their effect on the guest ppulation, it is unforgivable to be let down, snubbed, humiliated so by the hotel.

Having had this happen to me in several different hotels and B&Bs, from 5 star down to 'what's a star?' I can, with some degree of confidence, say that it's worse being ignored in a posh hotel than Mrs Higgins B&B.

This is why I won't be staying at the Malmaison, Liverpool, again.

And I haven't even started on the Wi~Fi issue!!!!!

Depression,it's so depressing.

Sad to think of anyone taking their own life. Immensely sad to think of

The Cycle of Violence

I like cycling, it's healthy, inexpensive and makes you feel good about yourself.

I hate cyclists though, those inconsiderate bastards that ride across red lights, up pavements, down pedestrian streets and across pedestrian crossings.

This morning in London, it had to happen sooner or later, while crossing to get to the Piccadilly Starbucks, a cyclist simply rode through a red light while I was in his path. He seemed surprised and angry when I failed to leap out of the way and instead (vigorously) pushed him away from me. Minutes later, on the same crossing, a cyclist seemed to think it was okay to stop actually on the crossing. when I pointed this out to him all received an erudite 'just Fuck Off'. He simply didn't care.

Cyclists, if you want to be taken seriously as road users, stop behaving like prima donnas with an entitlement complex, or at the very least, start telling your mates this.

My dead person is more important than your dead person.

This day is a sad one for the friends and family of Harry Moseley, the brave wee soul who has battled against a brain tumour and, sadly, lost. That this boy saw fit to ignore his own plight to start a fund for another sufferer is an illustartion of how unsullied youth can have such an open outlook on disease and the possibility of death. He is a wonder.

Earlier today I starte getting retweets telling me that Harry should be the worldwide No. 1 trending topic, and it made me think. Harry was all anout others and I'm not sure he would agree that he was the most important problem on the planet. Every three seconds a child dies in Africa. I'm fairly sure young Harry might have thought this was a higher priority to trend.

I am now, of course, in danger of being called heartless because I'm not participating in the "get Harry trending" game. I have noticed that there is a tendency to target thos of us who take a more pragmatic approach to charitable support, I have a tendency to put my change in charity boxes for instance, and I resolutely refuse to join charity schemes involving chuggers; I like all of my money to go to the relevant people. Most of all I don't like to be told what I should be supporting.

It's a riot, innit, like!

Well, the Guardianistas must be cleaning their love issue off several ceilings this morning having so much social unrest to pontificate over. also Telegraph readers will be stocking up on apoplexy medicine to stave off a case of the 'my face was so red people thought I was a traffic light' syndrome.

Top question of the day, which is the same as every other day, is 'why?'.

Let me put you straight on this; if you're asking yourself this question you're either stupid or you haven't been paying attention over, well, your entire life. Because this hasn't happened before, ever. Has it?

I was reminded this morning, on my fear-filled commute from Paddington to Piccadilly, of the '70s and punk rock. Yes, that social scourge of disaffected youth rebelling against (stop me if you've heard this one before) a society that has abandoned them in favour of material goods, selfishness and a complete lack of community and social awareness. We all said 'why?' then, too. Trouble is we did fuck all about it. The punk rockers got rich and bought Bentley's while the fans grew up and got shit jobs at Wickes and B&Q.

Fast forward to August the 9th (the anniversary of Nagasaki, a slightly worse evening for some). We have, on the one hand, the auld guard; 'hang them, birch them, bring back National Service (which did a great job of preventing the '60s riots, sorry, fights on Brighton Beach), send in the Army'. On the other we have the apologists; 'these kids feel abandoned, bereft of job prospects and security'. The truth, as usual, lies scatted in between.

The seeds of this particular puddle of poo were sown many years ago by well meaning individuals who thought kids needed more rights but also needed to be measured to within an inch of their lives. they were given targets and objectives and grades to meet/reach/fulfil but never actually taught how to think for themselves or to feel any kind of responsibility for their own actions, there is always someone to blame; society, your parents, that horrible and traumatic incident you suffered, probably, sometime, that some 'official person' thought might look good in a dissertation.

The truth is that we did this, as a society, by allowing people to get away with bad behaviour by explaining the cause, not punishing the result. so yes, I sympathise with a generation who feel lost, betrayed and let down. I also firmly believe that when they behave the way they do they should be dealt with, and harshly. To quote Will Graham, when asked if he sympathised with a miscreant :
Agent Jack Crawford: You feel sorry for him?
Will Graham: As a child, my heart bleeds for him. Someone took a little boy and turned him into a monster. But as an adult... as an adult, he's irredeemable. He butchers whole families to fulfill some sick fantasy. As an adult, I think someone should blow the sick fuck out of his socks.

Thank You, and may your neighbourhood watch go with you.

And on a lighter note; Harper's bizarre, Harper Seven is just odd.

That's all, really. I see nothing of any substance worth getting involved in an actual conversation. The Beckhams are odd. Like Zowie Bowie (now Duncan Jones) or Moon Unit Zappa I guess their offspring will find their own way of dealing with the names they have.


(Moon Unit Zappa now goes by the name Moon Zappa).


PS
Still better by far than Mercedes, Chardonnay or any pof those other chav monikers!

N.O.T.W.

The most (in)famous four letters in the English language. For now.

It's been fascinating watching this one develop; from the 'they're all shitting liars' to 'shame the good have to suffer with the bad'.

It made me think. Hmmmm.

Most people don't like being a twat, or like being thought of as a twat. I think we can take this as read. Being a journalist means you have to be intrusive to a greater or lesser degree. Now don't give me any grief about this because without intrusive journalism we'd never know about half of the really shitty things that politicians, police and other folks get up to. Journalism is a requirement for a democracy. The fourth estate has always played an important part in the control structures that prevent corruption from spreading and anyone who thinks different is either lying or is completely delusional. Case in point, and be honest.

How many people cackled when Max Moseley got caught as Mr Spanky? How many of you thought that it was totally unjustified that he was exposed in the NOTW? Not fucking many, I'll bet. Like most people we are incredibly hypocritical when it come3s to the press. We like to see them rich folk pulled down a peg or two and we rarely castigate the press for it.

The News Of The World has been responsible for exposing the hypocrisy and double dealings of hundreds of people, people we put up there or voted for. People who let us all down. People who should have known better. That some of the more ambitious and arrogant at the paper thought themselves above the rules is not really such a stretch. That their management didn't know about this is, frankly, laughable.

I firmly believe that NOTW management and a small-ish group of journalists were responsible for the atrocities we were made aware of. I also firmly believe that castigating a trade name is futile as it deflects from the real culprits. I'm also fairly certain that not everyone who worked at the paper is a dick.

Been a while

since I last posted. Oh, and since I was born!!!! Yes, it's my birthday today, the anniversary of my entrance to this existence!

I find it is also the day the new Green Lantern film is released and the final Harry Potter trailer too.

life is getting a bit crowded of late; wedding vow renewals loom, an exam to study for and take, holidays to book and worry about and a bout 7-10 Lbs to use, sorry, lose. I also have to change a shirt as the sizing systems used these days means that while I am a Medium 38-40, I often need a large. Except when I need an XL or, as I discovered today, an XXL.

No, I don't understand either.

Stopped Smoking, miss the fresh air and exercise.

Well, it's true. I packed in the evil weed over 6 months ago and now my otherwise fresh-air and exercise oriented tea and lunch breaks are much more sedentary. Plus, I don't get to meet new and interesting other smokers outside random buildings and bus shelters.

Aww, not anotther new universe.

So, the DCU gets a(nother) reboot in September. Zero Hour approaches, or has that not already happened 52 times already? Still, without such shenanigans Batman would be geriatric and superman would leave a trail of super incontinence as he meandered through the skies above, trying desperately hard to remember where he left the rescued damsel!

Batman Inc. firesale starts Sep 1.

(Why didn't they have it on Nov. 1 for that funky date thing of 11/1/11, or 1/11/11, depending on where you live?)

When do you find the time?

Extensive blogging obviously implies you are a saddoe with too much spare time on your hands. However I know several bloggers with brains the size of planets (and other, moon sized brains with a sense of grandeur) who blog like they've discovered a rift in the space-time continuum. It takes me all my time to learn stuff and these people brush past technical manuals and hey, presto, they're Cisco experts or vExperts.

How in the name of the profit Margin do they do it?

Please, email me with the secret!

Britains' Got Twats.

Constantly amused by the references to BGT and the amounts of abuse thrown its way.

Don't watch it. It's puerile and pathetic and it panders to the basest of mans needs. Oooh, look at me!!! Well no, I'm not looking at you.

When the sun comes out, everything looks better.

Whoever thought this one up needs to be taken out and be made to feel miserable, by any means necessary. Like, a date with any one of my ex's!

Everybody has to start somewhere.

And I'm starting here. a very occasional bulletin to make outrageous statements, whinge about everything and generally mouth off about stuff.